It happened, ManCave snapped. Recently the Cube City police arrested one of the notorious Lunch Gang members for attacking a group of Cub Scouts for just selling popcorn.
The judge ask “ManCave do you have any statements to make before I hand out sentencing” Shackled at the ankles and wrist, ManCave stands up and says “Hell Yeah I have something to say Judge”.
It all began when me and two of my friends, Douger, and Schmenge, was playing street ball in a Cube City street in 1975. Spotting wet concrete, they start writing their names into it when a car pulls up and two men, pretending to be police officers, get out, berate us for our actions, and tell Schmenge to get into the car. The men were from Jimmy Hoffa’s gang (the next street over) and they held Schmenge captive and made him make spaghetti for four days, until he escapes.
Now, thirty-eight years later, the we’re all grown and, while we still live in Cube City your honor, we have drifted apart somewhat. Douger is my local distributor running a neighborhood beer store out of his garage, while Schmenge is a blue-collar worker, still haunted by his abduction, and I’m so obsessed with cruelty to Cub Scouts that I hunt them down at local Kroger stores just to flip there tables over. I can’t help myself….I think it’s Man-O-Pause. That little smiley faces in their uniform just sets me off and then the little bastards trick you to buy a bag of popcorn for $20 bucks…I lose it! So I yell at them, tip there table over, and run away.
The judge says “is that all ManCave?” ManCave replies “I’ve got lots to say but that’s all for now”. In his next voice the judge says “As judge of a case as peculiar as this, I am genuinely concerned about your recent streak of violent thoughts and tendencies. I think being surrounded by the nerdopolis at the Big Bang Theory building is starting to get to you. It was brought to my attention today, once you surrounded yourself by other members of the Lunch Gang at the lunch table, you felt comfortable enough to vent what’s been seemingly building up for weeks maybe even months and years. I think as a society we should heed this cry for help, and arrange for medical help soon before something/someone (like the poor Cub Scouts) goes seriously sideways. Please stand.”
ManCave, I sentenced you to 28 years in the Milan prison. Your sentence will start today. Bailiff, please remove this Cub Scout Table Flipper from my court room. Court adjourned.
In the back of the court room you could hear the cries of joy from the Cub Scout troops “We did it, we brought down ManCave”.
