Episode 12-15-2011 – Chuck Studley spreads good cheer

In 2011, the Cube City community service team was out spreading good tidings. Attending this year's function was Cube Cities very own Chuck Studley. He arrives driving his newly renovated 1957 Ford Ranchero Coupe complete with his trademark painted on the side "The Most Interesting Man in the World" (see picture below) and across the back is "Stay Thirsty My Friends". This semi-bearded, debonair, American gentleman roughly in his 50s drives with his windows down while Barry Whites "can't get enough of your love, baby" is playing in the background.  The precise setting for this years community service work is never revealed, but once he arrives he performs interesting feats, such as: freeing an angry pit-bull from a painful-looking trap, removing Gang Symbols from the side of a building using only a tooth brush, and removing little kittens for a storm sewer that's being over run with rats. A local news reporter is over heard mentioning hilarious aspects of his personality, such as: "he lives vicariously through himself", "he once taught the mayor of D-Town to steal from the poor for himself", "his personality is so magnetic, he is unable to carry credit cards", "he never says something tastes like chicken – not even chicken", "he's been known to cure narcolepsy, just by walking into a room", "he once had an awkward moment, just to see how it felt" and "even his enemies list him as their emergency contact number". 

At the end of the event, Chuck Studley says "I don't always carrying out gift to cars, but when I do, I prefer small ones". Realizing it's time to leave, Chuck Studley climbs back into this vintage 1957 Ranchero Coupe, closes the door, turns down the Barry White music playing on his 8-track tape, leans out the window saying his signature sign-off: "Stay thirsty, my friends!" He then throws out a pair of granny panties given to him by one of the helpers and slowing driving down Woods Avenue waving goodbye.

Mean while, at the other end of the building, KC is seen carrying toys and other gifts to the car of a needy family. Walking beside him is what appears to be a sharply dressed woman. One of the elderly female workers noticed what was going on and yells out "It’s a man, baby! See the Adam's apple?" Everyone turns and starts laughing; laughing so hard it drowned out the noise of gang violence (pop-pop-pop) going on in the background.

Merry Christmas to all!

E12132011 - Brisket Day "Lick the meat"

The title for today’s episode really doesn’t tell the whole story but we’ll leave it at that to protect the guilty. Back to the story... OM tell Lunch Gang members he’s going to prepare a brisket in his smoker, PARTY! We gathered in one of the conference rooms (restrictions in Bago Cafe, formerly known as Goose Lane Cafe, prevent us from having a party at our normal table - fine print in the contract) to enjoy some holiday laugher and very good food. A few of the non-LG members attended TNT, Bowmen, and yes even Kevin.

So mark this joyous occasion, a poem was produced by the Lunch Gangs very own ManCave. We called it “Twas the Morning before Brisket” which has some similarities to the very famous poem “Twas thee Night before Christmas”. We hope you enjoy it.

Twas the Night before Christmas Poem	Twas the Morning before Brisket Poem
Twas the nigh before Christmas, and when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.	Twas the morning before brisket and all through the cubes, not a L.G. member was stirring, not even the noobs.  The Keurig was filled on Bago's desk with care,  in hopes that the OM's smoked meat would soon be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads. And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap, Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.	Bago was nestled, all snug in his bed.   While visions of cherry pie filled his head. And MC with his Crockpot and I with my 'slaw,  had just settled down for a long winter's chat
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.	When out in the conference room, there arose such a clatter,  the one named O'Canada said something that mattered.    Away to the door, we flew like a flash,  to avoid H.R. and their nasty back lash!
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below. When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a miniature sleigh, and eight tinny reindeer.	The crust on the top of TNT's Lean Cuisine,  gave the lustre of greatness to this smoky meat dream.   When what to my wondering eyes should appear,  but Bowman, cherry pie and no whipped cream, Oh Dear!
With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St Nick. More rapid than eagles his coursers they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!	With comments on coupons so lively and quick,  we knew right away someone was being a d***.   More rapid than eagles, the curse words they came,  and we whistled and shouted and screamed them by name!
"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen! To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall! Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"	Now ManCave, Now Coach! Now, Picky and BAGO!  On OM! On Canada! On Bowman and Kevin!   Out of the conference room, run past the walls,  Now dash away! Dash away, all!
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky. So up to the house-top the coursers they flew, With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.	As smoked meat that cooks before the morning day flies,  when baked beans meet an obstacle and lead to farts in the sky. So up to the hall the cubesters they flew  with a bag full of garbage and St. Bago's pie too!
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my head, and was turning around, Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.	And then in a twinkling I heard from a stall,  it was someone purging from doing this all.   As I drew in my head and was turning around,  out from the stall came St. Bago abound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot. A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back, And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.	He was dressed in a purple shirt from his head to his gut,  and his clothes were all tarnished from 'cue sauce and such.  A bundle of cherries he had flung on his back,  and he looked like a tele-tubbie rubbing his sack.
His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.	His eyes how they twinkled!  His dimples how merry!  His cheeks were like roses, his nose full of cherries!   His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow  and the white on his chin was from whipped cream not snow.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath. He had a broad face and a little round belly, That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!	The stump of the brisket he held tight in his teeth,  and the smoke rings from the meat encircled his head like a wreath.   He had a broad face and a swinging pelvis,  and he dove for the chocolate loaf like the latter day Elvis.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself! A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.	Yeah, he was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,  and I laughed when he purged, in spite of myself.   A twitch of his eye and twist of his head,  and coupons a-flyin' all over the 'stead.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk. And laying his finger aside of his nose, And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!	He spoke not a word after being beatdown,  and filled the garbage can with pie tins abound.   And laying his finger way up his nose,  he pulled out a winner and wiped on his clothes!
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight, "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"	He sprang to his Winnebago and gave all a whistle;  he saluted Al Allen and shot out like a missile.   But I heard him exclaim and he drove 15 miles per hour out of sight, Happy Lunch Gang Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

 

Episode 12-07-2011 – Touch it to make bigger

As we all know Apple has grabbed the market with multiple products i.e. iPhone, iPad, iTouch to name a few. Each of these Apple products use a navigation tool called Multi-Touch screens. The controls on the Multi-Touch screen change, depending on the task you’re performing allowing the user to control the device, use their fingers to pinch, swipe, tap, and double-tap. This technical talk is the topic of today's episode at Bago Café (formerly known as Goose Lane Café).

From time-to-time O-Canada sits down at the Lunch Gang table to enjoy lunch. Well today was one of those days and it turned into a very embarrassing moment to say the lease! After lunch was over, the conversation turned to Hockey and the new conferences being formed by the NHL. Some of the members of the Lunch Gang weren't aware of this so ManCave decided to pull up the article on his iPhone. After he explained the different conferences to the group O-Canada asked to look at ManCave's iPhone (remember Canada don't allow iPhones in their country). ManCave was very reluctant but handed it over. This is where it gets very, very embarrassing.

As members of the Lunch Gang sat around their table BS'ing about other things, O-Canada, not being familiar with Multi-Touch technology kept asking ManCave for help. O-Canada kept closing the screens on the iPhone and was getting frustrated. 

Let me set the stage before I continue. O-Canada is female and there's 8 males sitting around the table. The Lunch gang Table is situated about 10 feet from the cash register where "Crop Duster" is purchasing a sandwich for lunch. Roxie, who run's the Bago Café (formerly known as Goose Lane Café) is working the register. Got the picture? Now the conclusion of "Touch it to make bigger"!

O-Canada while sitting at the Lunch Gang table holding ManCave's iPhone say's out loud "You told me to touch it to make it bigger". Those words after they came out of O-Canada's mouth are words she really wanted to take back. The entire Lunch gang was stunned. Immediately we started saying "You can't talk like that here", "This is a family place", and "WOW, you need to watch what you're saying". Even Crop Duster looked over at the table and said "What's going on over there?" Roxie even gave the table a look of amazement at what she heard. 

Needless to say lunch was over and we all headed back to work.

Episode 11-09-2011 - Canadian C.S.I.

Bago: Is that pronounced “see-es-eye” or see-es-eh”? I think there is a prOcess at work here…

Mansel: It's pronounced haus

Coach: You are bOth right!

O-Canada: We shall see….

Mansel: I’d be careful with her…she seems about ready to break out the Olson Broom and go upside some heads….

O-Canada: Curling is much more civilized than that…

Coach: Z'ed you say!

O-Canada: Yep, and we spell neighbour with a U… ;)

Episode 11-03-2011 - What will happen?

ManCave delivered some really bad news today to one of our fellow members…

….to Juicy???

http://www.freep.com/article/20111103/BUSINESS06/111030448/Marathon-offer-buyouts-residents-polluted-Detroit-ZIP-code?odyssey=tab|topnews|text|FRONTPAGE

Marathon is going to buy the houses in the neighborhood across and behind Gonellas.

Will Juicy survive????????

Some of the other members weighted in (well those most impacted):

Mansel: Some knucklehead will f up this deal….they’ll try to get 100k for a house that’s worth 1k.

OM: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! We need to stage a sit in or something. Get some “Save Juicy” hot pants for all the women between the ages of 18 and 27. Call the mayor, the governor … calls someone!

Episode 12-05-2011 - Let them eat cake

Your history lesson for the day class! CLASS!

This phrase "Let them eat cake" is the traditional translation to English of the French phrase "Qu'ils mangent de la brioche", supposedly spoken by "a great princess" upon learning that the peasants had no bread. Since brioche was enriched, as opposed to normal bread, the quote supposedly would reflect the princess's obliviousness to the condition of the people. While they are commonly attributed to Queen Marie Antoinette, there is no record of these words ever having been uttered by her. A real B-wax!

The Lunch Gang have there own version of "Let them eat cake" it's called "Take whoever's cake is sitting out and enjoy it". The Lunch Gang is notorious in Cube City for taking other peoples cake. Some even call the Lunch Gang bullies. Heck, even Al Allen reported on it in his morning news broadcast. Al Allen even quoted one Lunch Gang member saying "we make those cakes our Bit**es". Today was just another example of how ruthless the Lunch Gang is when it comes to cake.

Some of you may or may not now but it's MC's 1^st year anniversary at Cube City. So the rest of the gang decided to have a little celebration for him, by having cake at Bago Café (formerly known as Goose Lane Café). The original plan was for Bago to stop by a local bakery, pick up a cake, and have a little party. Well that didn't happen. Here's why…it snowed last night. Hell, we won't see Bago until March or April now.

Feeling rejected and down, Coach offers to head over to the bakery for a cake. Then with a flash of brilliance (which doesn't happen often) an SBM's spy says "there's left over cake on the bait pile!" Yes even the SBM knows of the bait pile. T-Mobile was off! He shot out of Bago Café (formerly known as Goose Lane Café) like Usain Bolt defending his Olympic titles in the 100 and 200 meter dashes. What was even better was watching T-Mobile return with cake in hand. The expression on his face was very similar if not the same as when President Clinton stood in front of the American people on national TV and said "I never had sexual relations with that women" yea; right; that look of being totally guilty.

Little did we know, when T-Mobil slams the cake on the table, it was multi-flavored, Blue & White Icing (our gang colors), with happy 1^st Year Anniversary written on it…OUTSTANDING! We couldn't have planned this any better. Hope Bago is OK.

Episode 11-07-2011 - T-Mobile uses Barbie's Coins for Coffee

So the coffee club representative "Coffee Lady" send out the following email:

Ladies & Gentlemen, In addition to the fact that year-to-date the Club is still under by approximately $100 dollars, this morning someone dropped a plastic coin in the collection box, and last week someone dropped in money from the Netherlands. The Club has been shut down indefinitely.

Well, it only takes a little for the Lunch Gang to have a little fun....

Coach: Really Coffee Lady that's a good joke. Thanks.

OM Writes: Bago, weren’t you recently over in Amsterdam? And T-Mobile’s daughter is missing some of her Barbie doll cash register money I heard… Hmmm

T-Mobile: Who stole the plastic coins from my desk?  I was waiting to use those Barbie plastic coins at the casino! 

Episode 11-08-2011 - GlenBucks

With the elimination of coffee at Cube City multiple employee's are roaming the halls having withdraws. But for the Lunch Gang, that is not the case...you see we have "GlenBucks". The Bago being a multi talented individual has found a way to provide hot java to his team members using his newly coffee maker "GlenBucks". Here's how it works....

Step 1: Pour in water. Now watching the Bago do this I for one was a little concerned for his safety.

Step 2: Add coffee container. This was straight forward task even for the novice of coffee makers.

Step 3: Place cup under dispensing unit.

Step 4: Press button. Now this is where it got really confusing for the Bago. There are two buttons. 1-to start the unit; the second one to eject the coffee pod lid. Kind of like when we take a trip out for lunch. If we don't take telegraph we get lost.

Step 5: Watch Coffee pour into cup.

Step 6: Remove Cup of "HOT" steaming coffee from the "GlenBucks" and take a drink. Again, this is where Bago gets confused...I'm not sure if the word "HOT" means anything to him. 

As ManCave and I enjoyed our cup of coffee, we watched in terror as the Bago burns his lips off. We didn't see blood so we walked away very disappointed.

Episode 09-13-2011: ManCave "I really want an inflatable Ben!"

ManCave so wanted to improve his game and believed if he purchased the Inflatable Ben Wallace Defender for his backyard court it would do the trick. ManCave's son, MiniMeCave is quoted to say "my dad gets lonely being the only player on the court and none of his buddies will come over to play with him; this is the perfect thing for my dad". Mrs. ManCave "At first, it was all fun and games. But I curse the day I let inflatable Ben Wallace into my home".

Episode 09-15-2011 – The Party Continues

It was a very big day! A challenge flag thrown, OM lost a river! Vamsinator works the grill!

An electronic conversation took place…

Coach: OM... We thought you we're headed north?

Bago has been added to the instant message conversation.

Coach: Bago...you're up!

ManCave has been added to the instant message conversation.

Coach: MC...We have the Bago and OM on-line this morning

Coach: Has anyone seen the Professor?

ManCave: yo.

ManCave: OM and Bago are online?  

Coach: You know what I'm thinking?

Coach: They turned on PC's at home and walked away

ManCave: OM is mowing the lawn.  Bago is at Home Depot.  That is what I think

Coach: Or, they both down loaded the iPhone app for Microsoft Communicator...

Coach: They must be in a meeting

ManCave: OM is in the John Deere Conference Room.  Bago is in the Lowe's Mtg Room.

Coach: I'm sure that's what it is

ManCave: Global Lawn Care Strategic Vision and Maximo Plumbing Repair.   

Coach: LOL...very good

ManCave: ty.

OM: ??

OM: I am here you stooges

OM: i was on the phone

Coach: I know what they are doing...going over notes from yesterday's picnic...How can we make this a better event?

ManCave: Look what the cat dragged in???

ManCave: The party continues..........

Coach: Ran out of gas did you?

OM: and the party continues

ManCave: DOES EVERYBODY BUT US WORK FROM HOME ON FRIDAYS?

OM: yes

Coach: I can't or I would

OM: it is cannon ball Friday 

OM: that is what JhonnyO coined it

Coach: for sure big time...after all the fun yesterday

ManCave: JhonnyO

Coach: that's right

Bago: Hey, I'm WORKING from home...can't speak to the rest of those WFH'rs

OM: he said "you can shoot a cannon ball down the aisle and no one would hear it"

Coach: everyone is looking for OM

OM: I am right here. Is this mic on?

Bago: he's at the bar...

Coach: there was a chick in your cube

ManCave: BAGO!!!!!

OM: what?!

Bago: I don't know where Jeff is

OM: where?

Coach: for sure

Bago: has anyone heard from OM?

OM: hey

Bago: I don't see him online

OM: hello?

Coach: has anyone seen OM...We told her you're on vacation

ManCave: and Indian chick with a nose diamond stud in her nose.

OM: whoa?

OM: nice

Bago: Someone should link him into the conversation

Coach: studdly

ManCave: BAGO!!!!

OM: momma

Coach: what...

Bago: and ManCave should read his IM's and go along with the ploy

Coach: there's BAGO

Bago [9:16 AM]: Did someone say a stud was in OM's cube looking for and Indian?

ManCave: i missed the ploy?

ManCave: yes

Coach: that's right...

Coach: good connection today

OM: get the studs out of my cube

ManCave: she looked perplexed at no OM in his cube.

Coach: will do

OM: tell her to get back under the desk

ManCave: think she did

Coach: we covered you

Bago: did you tell her that he doesn't work on Fridays?

ManCave: we did

Bago: or when Ms. Daisy isn't here

Bago: perfect

Coach: nice...Mr. no show Friday

Bago: Ask Jeff where the Cube City River is?

Bago: go ahead, ask him

ManCave: OM, where is the Cube City River?

Bago: he knows now

OM: hey… this is the first Friday in three weeks that I am WFH

Coach: ok, where's the Cube City River?

Bago: go ahead OM, tell Coach

OM: piss off

Coach: story...do tell

ManCave: He didn't know we were next to it yesterday?

ManCave: like 30 yards from it?

Coach: NO

Bago: and we all went for his throat in response

Coach: Tell me it isn't true, OM? You took a beat down?

Bago: even Ms. Daisy

ManCave: he's gone silent.  He must not have known the mighty, Cube City River was there.

Coach: Hello...

Bago: Someone asked why the retention overflow basin for the CCR was on the other side of the aforementioned river...

Coach: It was a big day yesterday...I should have stayed

OM: yeah.. where did you go?

ManCave: they've been working on that basin forever.

Coach: The Drink challenge...the lost Cube City River!

Bago: OM asked why would they put the CCR overflow so close to "this river" and the rest 

Bago: as they say , is history....

ManCave: "this river"?

ManCave: has it changed names?

OM: creek

OM: it's call get off my ass creek

Coach: Tell us OH city worker dude...

Bago: ah yes, "creek"   and we said this is the Cube City River, which OM vehemently denied...

Coach: how is it laid out

Bago: and that's when we pounced....

Coach: Cube City Creek just don't have the same sound to it.

ManCave: LOL!  Denied.

Bago: all in unison

ManCave: http://www.cubecityriver.com/pdfs/maps/awbasec.pdf

Coach: There it is...MC is on his game. Put a fork in OM, he's done!

OM: sheesh

ManCave: The Lower Cube City River....that "creek" goes all the way to Can Town.

ManCave: I can get maps of the overflows for it if needed.

Coach: so getting back to the original statement by BAGO...where's the Cube City River?

Coach: What did OM say when asked?

Bago: Major water source for the watershed.  And the port of entry for the Cube City Complex in it's heyday and to some extent now....

Bago: That "creek" is the lifeblood of Wagon Town and Cube City

ManCave: creek...lol

OM: oh for the love of all things good... let's move one shall we?

Coach: LOL...life blood, really?

Bago: ok, move on

Coach: Pictures of this?

ManCave: OM took a bigger beat down for that than T-Mobile did for his "You get 3x drunker on a plane" comment.  He is still mad at us for challenging it.  Hell, Gail challenged it.

OM: ok.. i gotta get some work done

Bago: oh, you are done OM, you are done!!!

Coach: T-Mobile really said this...

ManCave : he did

<<< OM has left the instant message conversation.>>>

Bago: yeah, but he was three times drunker at the time

Coach: OM

ManCave: OM is very busy being up a CREEK without a paddle.

Coach: LOL...OM has left the building!

Bago: gotta run to a meeting....sorry.  This was LOL

Bago: lots of laughs...

Coach: run to a meeting?

Bago: pissed off and proud of it probably

Coach: you guys are good!

Bago: Apparently he can dish, but he can't take it...?

Bago: see ya and cya

ManCave: lol...l8r