Episode 06-02-2015 – The Angry Walleye Sandwich

One nice day this late spring Smokes and his sister decided to go fishing. We left early in the morning, out into the big lake. 

They stopped at a fisherman's shanty along the docks and bought a pail of minnows. With these, our fishing tackle and lunch, we jumped into Captain Jack’s ole boat and started out to deep waters. The dock and ship was falling apart. The fish like to stay around the old piling and sunken ships. We fished for a while but caught nothing until Captain Jack told us to spit on the hook. Then I wandered around into different spots. Finally I dropped my line right into a school of Angry Walleye. I called my sister and she came running. Between us we caught over thirty Walleye in less than a half hour. The excitement ended when Captain Jack told us fishing was over for the day because a storm was moving in. I started blowing chunks over the side of the boat while my sister was calling me all kind of girl names “Come on Alice”, “Hey queen of the Nile” or my favorite Come on Suzy”. While heading back the lake swells got up some 25 feet high. I kept blowing my lunch into the lake. The sea gulls happened to be very plentiful at this point. Soon they ate the lunch (courtesy of me). 

Some fishing jokes for you to enjoy

#20 - No matter how much whiskey you've had, you can still Fish.
#19 - A limp rod is still useful while Fishing.
#18 - You don't have to hide your Fishing magazines.
#17 - It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with you once in a while.
#16 - The Ten Commandments don't say anything against Fishing.
#15 - If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing, you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you become famous.
#14 - Your Fishing partner doesn't get upset about people you Fished with long ago.
#13 - It's perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger.
#12 - When you see a really good Fishing person, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together.
#11 - If your regular Fishing partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you Fish with someone else.
#10 - Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fish by yourself.
#9 - When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.
#8 - You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy Fishing stuff.
#7 - You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without getting sued for harassment.
#6 - There is no Fishing-transmitted diseases.
#5 - If you want to watch Fishing on television, you don't have to subscribe to the Playboy channel.
#4 - Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the rest of your life.
#3 - Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner loses interest in it.
#2 - You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily to enjoy your favorite activity.
#1 - Your Fishing partner will never say, "Not again?  We just Fished last week!  Is Fishing all you ever think about?"
 

Episode 04-14-2015 - Hangover IV Plot

Celebrating his upcoming marriage to Shruti Manek, the Professor travel with his Lunch Gang buddies to Las Vegas in the Professor’s future father-in-law's King Aire ultimate luxury motor coach; The plan is simple, they’ll park the RV at Caesars Palace, where they plan to relax, go to a casino and celebrate with a few drinks near the hotel pool (little did he know, the plans will be altered). The next morning, Coach, ManCave, and White Doug awaken to find they have no memory of the previous night, and Professor is nowhere to be found. They’re not in the RV as originally planned but find themselves lying in the hot desert sun near what they believe is the Grand Canyon with wild horses licking their faces. ManCave is missing his left earlobe; Godfather is gone; White Doug finds his left forearm tattooed with a pink heart and ribbons that read “One hell of a night, Love Patrick”.

Following clues, the trio travel to across the desert only to find there in the middle of an Indian Reservation where they discover they were drugged with Crown (top of the Peyote cactus - causing loss of motor skills and memory) they received while watching a tribal ritual of the Havasupai people. At a native rock dwelling some 100 feet above the ground, they also learn that ManCave married the chief’s daughter, Imale. Later the trio is attacked by a band of Havasupai warriors, for trespassing on sacred ground on the reservation. They flee and keep moving across the desert, trying get back to Caesars. During the adventure they discover vultures circling overhead and to their surprise they find Godfather who has been tied naked lying in the sun between cacti for his involvement in trying to steal food from the cave. White Doug then confesses that he drugged everyone’s drinks in the RV ensuring they had could witness Indian culture.

After rescuing Godfather from a sure death, the group hears the distant sound of what they think is thunder, but to their surprise, it’s OM leading a heard of wild horses toward them. Stopping short, OM jumps off his pony and yells out “what’s up bitches, what a night?” Coach says, where you been and how did you get these horses?OM says, funny thing is all I remember is a lying on the bar with the beer tap pouring on me; loud music; and some gangster looking dude told me if I ever want to see my friends again to come with him. Next thing he remembers is he woke up at a horse ranch lying face down in horse shit and mud. Looking around OM jumps on the back of a horse opened the gates and takes off (his Boy Scout survival training kicked in by following the sun) with the other ponies following him. Coach says “You see the rest of the group? Where’s the Professor?” His fiancé is going to kill us if we lost him! The group jumped up on horses and headed west towards Las Vegas along the southern rim of the Grand Canyon.

Meanwhile some 100 miles south, KC, Director and T-Mobile awaken to being buried up to their necks in a sand pit on an Apache reservation. It’s there punishment for trying to impersonate an Indian at the MGM Casino. Does anyone remember what happen? Where’s the rest of our group? As the trio baked in the hot desert sun they see a person walking toward them in the distance that looks familiar. It was Bago! As they yelled for him, Bago motioned with his hands to be quite. See, Bago had a guy on the reservation, who knew a guy that needed some help with a water pump. In exchange, Chief Nahche (the great, great, and grandson of Geronimo) agreed to release the trio after water started to flow. Unaware of their location, Bago negotiated a return to Las Vegas by installing a cellphone tower on the top of ridge.

With the wedding set to occur in 5 hours, Coach calls Shruti and tells her that they cannot find Professor. After a conversation with White Doug, ManCave realizes where the Professor is. The group travels back to the RV at Caesars Palace where they find a delirious and exhausted Professor in the bathroom of the RV. ManCave, Coach, and White Doug had moved him there the night before as a practical joke, screwing the door shut from the outside but promptly forgot where they left him. With less than four hours before the wedding and with no flights to Las Vegas available, the Bago races back to the RV using Chief Nahche’s helicopter. Despite their late arrival, Professor and Shruti are married! ManCave informs the chief’s daughter, Imale that he is already married.

As the reception ends, White Doug finds Coach's digital camera detailing the events they cannot remember, and the group agrees to look at the pictures together before deleting the evidence of their exploits.

Episode 03-17-2015 - We're all Irish Today

Yes, another year is here and today is St. Patrick's Day. So I thought why not, We're all Irish Today!
But what the heck is Smokes wearing?

And yes, this is a Sam Adams beer advertisement we are doing.

Episode 02-27-2015 - Does this look familiar?

Watch this video and tell me there isn't some similarities in your work place.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKorP55Aqvg

Episode 02-26-2015 - Pete Carroll Leaving the Seahawks

Pete Carroll, former head coach of the Seattle Seahawks, is reported to be very near to signing on as a special consultant to The Pope in Vatican City. The Pope looks to recruit Carroll to be a spokesman for the Catholic Church because he is the first man in history that made 100 million people jump up and yell "Jesus Christ!" at the same time.

More information will be be reported as this story unfolds.

Episode 02-18-2015 - Random Thoughts As We Age...

It's been a while since I've posted anything, but I'm back!

1. Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

2. Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators.  We haven't met yet!

3. I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks!

4. I don't need anger management.  I need people to stop pissing me off!

5. Old age is coming at a really bad time!

6. When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ... now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!

7. The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

8. Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

9. I don't have gray hair.  I have "wisdom highlights".  I'm just very wise.

10. My people skills are just fine.  It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.

11. Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.

12. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.

13. The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please.  I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".

14. I'm going to retire and live off of my savings.  Not sure what I'll do that second week.

15. When did it change from "We the people" to "screw the people"?

16. I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my wife took it!

17. Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!

18. Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

20. Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

21. Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?

22. At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

23. Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree ... that makes it a plant which means ... chocolate is Salad !!!