LGFFB Week 3 - Yes, Mansel takes in the can again

Reporting on week 3 Lunch Gang Fantasy Football league results, is non other than Al Michael's, Chris Collingsworth and Bob Costas reporting live from Jet’s stadium.

Week 3 Results

UnitedAgainstMANSEL 92.60

I will destroy you (aka Mansel) 89.55

Al Michael: As a sports reporter now for 35 years with ABC Sports, I’ve got to tell you...Mansel took it in the can tonight. Because of his inability to field a good team, I have a couple of interns gathering some data on his guy. Check this out!

UnitedAgainstMANSEL got 30.50 points from Matt Schaub and 16.80 from Arian Foster, stealing one from I will destroy you, 92.60 - 89.55. I will destroy you is having trouble (is the biggest understatement in sports history) getting started and is winless. I will destroy you was led by Tom Brady with 21.45 points and Wes Welker who scored 14.20. UnitedAgainstMANSEL (1-2, 231.55 points) climbs into eighth place  and I will destroy you (0-3, 263.65 points) drops to ninth place (the F’en basement it called for all you boys and girls out there). Pathetic!

Chris Collingsworth reporting....

UnitedAgainstMANSEL Smooth Moves; this guy knows football Bob!

• Matt Schaub had 30.50 points, the third-highest QB score of the week and the seventh-highest QB score in the league this season.
• Put Steven Jackson on the bench, where he had the lowest RB score on the team with 3.40 points.
• With 11.00 points, Dennis Pitta, who UnitedAgainstMANSEL picked up this week, beat his 6.42-point projection by 71.3%.
• Arian Foster had the sixth-highest score among RBs in the league this week with 16.80 points.
• With 14.70 points, Antonio Brown ranked sixth in the league in scoring among WRs this week.

Al Michael’s reporting.... Bob we’ve created a category called “Regret Tracker” is show the FFB league audience just how backwards Mansel is.

I will destroy you Regret Tracker

• Picked up Mikel Leshoure but left him on the bench (How in the hell does something like that happen?), where he scored 19.40 points and exceeded his scoring projection by 236.2%, the second-highest percentage in the league.
• I will destroy you was dominated at the TE position, scoring 3.60 points versus the 11.00 for UnitedAgainstMANSEL. We used the word dominated to try to make Mansel feel better about himself. That will never happen again. 3.60 lousy points for a TE in the NFL...heck my grandmother could give at least 5 points.
• Of the 8 starters on I will destroy you, 5 underperformed versus their projections. We really want to know when his guys is making his picks? We’ve heard its in Stall 3...in the dark.

What If

• Besides UnitedAgainstMANSEL, I will destroy you would have been defeated by other teams this week. (bookies are fixing the number just so he can’t win)
• I will destroy you would be 0-16 if they he keeps playing like this. It’s never been done in FFB before buts he’s well on his way. “quit now an save the embarrassment).

Game Notes

• Despite being on the winning team, Jordy Nelson had a season-low 1.90 points against a projected 9.72 and has now underachieved in every game this season.
• The Pittsburgh Steelers Defense had a season-low 2.00 points against a projected 5.41 in the win and has now scored below their projection in every game this season.
• It was a tough loss for I will destroy you (but one he earned), which put up the third-biggest score for a losing team in the league this season.
• UnitedAgainstMANSEL covered the 1.77-point spread, winning by 3.05 points.
• The margin of victory of 3.05 points was the smallest in the league this week but throwing a hand grenade close still takes out the enemy. WAY TO GO UnitedAgainstMANSEL!!!!
• I will destroy you remains winless in close games this season, falling to 0-2.
• In the loss, the Chicago Bears Defense (don’t cry Mr. T-your Saints still suck) had the highest DEF score in the league this week with 14.00 points.

Bob Costas reporting... there you have it. Mansel just likes it in the can. Thanks for the report Al and Chris. 

Episode 9-26-2012 – Pro bono & ChapStick®

The day at the lunch table was going smoothly. A little conversation about how “free” stuff LG members grabbed at a local Cube City Expo (i.e. Guitar picks, Pens, Candy, pads of paper, etc…) then Mansel sits down. Throw everything out the window and shut the front door. 

The word “Pro bono” was mentioned by Mansel and I don’t think he was referring to the “legal” term. No, I know he wasn’t. The reason I know this is, the definition of “Pro Bono” is: 

Pro bono publico (English: for the public good; usually shortened to pro bono) is a Latin phrase for professional work undertaken voluntarily and without payment or at a reduced fee as a public service. It is common in the legal profession and is increasingly seen in marketing, technology, and strategy consulting firms. Pro bono service, unlike traditional volunteerism, uses the specific skills of professionals to provide services to those who are unable to afford them.

Yeah, Mansel wasn’t talking about that type of “Pro bono”, not at all!

Then ChapStick was brought into the conversation (Pro bono and ChapStick…you see where this was headed). There is some new item being sold in the Bago Café (formerly known as Goose Lane Café) “Love Humus” [I think Mack Daddy is got a little side job going]. T-Mobile said “there’ll be no lunch-and-learn on that one”. When Mansel got going on that, the party was over.

That’s all I’ve got to say about those subjects.

Episode 09-25-2012 - Mama’s little helper / Mack Daddy and the Tendroni’s

ManCave on his prowling around Cube City stops by Coach’s luxury cube to discuss world events when Max Link’s mother stops by to say hello. The topic went from fixing the U.S. economy to “Christmas Nights” at the Museum. Max Link’s mother said it would be very hard in the cold to handle three small children, but ManCave had an OUTSTANDING suggestion “You need Mama’s little helper: A good pint of something during the cold winter days to help out when the kids are rambunctious!” He then goes on quote one of the most profound statements ever recorded “Makes Mama happy; Helps Mama make it through the day”. ManCave looks at Coach, then at Max Link’s mother, and says “My work here is done” and walked away.

//

Without further ado, I give you “Mack Daddy and The Tendroni's”

Episode 9-24-2012 - Mac Daddy of Cube City

Yes its true! Cube City has there very own Mac Daddy. So the story is, Igor Cornfed seen ManCave yesterday having a conversation in the hall way and stop and said "He's the Mac Daddy of the building". So I introduce MacCave as Mac Daddy!

LGFFB Week 2 - Down Goes Mansel!

Let’s recap what happen in week 2 of the LG FFB League. Oh the hell with it..Mansel got his ass beat once again.

Mansel Blows       109.95

I will destroy you 98.70

Chris Collingsworth said it best “if that’s all Mansel has, he better hang it up now”. What do you have to say Al?

Al Michaels, I’ve never seen an ass beating like the one Mansel took this week. Heck, is lineup is like watching Canadian Moose Milking. He better stop before the BIG HITTERS get a hold of him. He’ll be crying like a little girl.

The Global Shoes

Please take the time to read this letter all the way through, and follow the instructions to a tee. It could make the difference for you between financial disaster or a life of prosperity.

I am known as "The Global Shoes". I have travelled the world as my well-worn exterior can attest to. I have seen the Pyramids, walked the Great Wall, left a trail through the sands of the Sahara and waded through the headwaters of the Amazon. I have had many owners, some lucky, most others, not so much.

You see, I was originally owned by Lars Gergoriusson Tveranger, grandson of shoemaker Nils Gregoriusson Tveranger. Nils has been credited with introducing the world to the loafer in the early 1900's. Lars was a skilled businessman, but also very cheap businessman. So much so he wouldn't put pennies in me. One day, during a business meeting, Lars' Slovakian client noticed he didn't have any pennies in his shoes. Lars scoffed at the man, calling him foolish for wasting money on a perfectly good pair of shoes. "Why I'd rather save that money than risk it falling out". The man, so accosted by Lars' reaction, recited an old Slovakian curse as he stormed out of the meeting. 

The curse said whomever owned the shoes would fall into financial ruin unless they kept pennies in the shoes. Later that year, and having not put pennies in me, Lars' company went bankrupt and Lars never had a penny to his name for the rest of his life. Since then I have been passed on to new owner after owner. Those who have followed the instructions below have had no harm come to them. Those who didn’t have suffered the same fate as Lars.

To avoid the curse, you must do the following.

1. Exchange the pennies in the shoes with pennies of your own.

2. Keep the shoes safely stored away in your possession for a minimum of 24hours. Any less time and the shoes will not have enough time to absorb the good energy from your pennies.

3. Donate the two pennies you removed from the shoes. (To show you’re not a cheapskate)

4. After the minimum of 24 hours, you must pass on the shoes to another. But they mustn't let them see you do this. The new owner must discover me on their own and read the instructions themselves and then decide if they believe in the curse or not.

5. The shoes must be kept in pairs. Separating them will cause you to suffer the curse.

6. Good fortune will be bestowed upon any owner of the shoes who so polishes them.

Episode 09-19-2012 - Take Like A Pirate Day!

Don’t forget tomorrow is Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Captain Bruce Sparrow

Word on the street is Bruce is super pumped up for this and is getting his eye patch ready.

To celebrate Talk Like A Pirate Day, the LEGO Corporation 

has released this limited-edition Bruce The Pirate LEGO character and a Bruce The Pirate LEGO Scooter!!!  Get yours now!!!  Or on second thought…don’t!

me ass be stuck t' this board!

Captain Bruce Mighty Scooter!

LGFFB Week 1 - Down Goes Mansel!

With the Lunch Gang Fantasy Football League in full swing, look here for your weekly updates.

Week 1

Episode 09-07-2012 – LG Golf Outing

With the annual golf outing scheduled for this date, dialogs started several days before and they went like this:

5 Days Before

Stolar: Bill I don't want to do this but I have to cancel golf on Saturday - I have to work. But Allyn Phillips would still like to play. Let me know if that is ok and I will let him know. Sorry and thanks!

1 Days Before

Coach: Men of the round table! Our 1st annual LG Golf outing is scheduled for this Saturday at Woodlands Golf Course. Tee-time is 9:00am.

• Weather Forecast for Saturday September 8, 2012:  40% Rain (WXYZ) / Rain AM to noon (WDIV) / 60% Rain (National Weather Service)

Coach says "Now I’m OK with playing in the rain (heck I’ve coached in the rain for years) but I know some of you might not be comfortable with it. What are your thoughts?"

Professor:

Bago:

T-Mobile:

OM:

ManCave:

Picky:

Bago: What day is it again? I heard Picky and ManCave aren’t golfing?

Coach: That’s the question. Do we want to move it?

OM: Should we move the date out so they can participate? Golf in the rain sucks!

Professor: With OM on this one…Golfing in the rain sucks. Done it before and not to excited about doing it again. Plus there is a high probability that rain water could make it into open beer bottles…that would suck more than golfing itself!
ManCave: I am tentative, but think I can get the green light to goiIf I can sneak out of the family obligations between my father-in-laws funeral service tomorrow and the internment on Monday. I SO want to golf over being around family on Saturday.

Bago: Family first dude…no matter how much it sucks. ;-)

Bago: As the Disney movie says…”you got to move-it, move-it!”  Minus Picky, ManCave, StoleR, OM…where is the humanity?!

Coach: The final analysis is in…

Professor – He’s a Warrior and will play for sure! Nope. He bailed with OM. Rain Suite has a hole in it.

Bago – Move it, says the Bago

T-Mobile – Mountain Man’s baby might arrive

OM – golfing in the rain sucks!

ManCave – family in town…concern

Picky – no ball’s

Coach – All IN!

Stolar – I’ve got nothing.

Bago: Wow, that Warrior just became a Worrier?!

Episode 9-06-2012 – Words fail me…

There is something to be said about what a person wears. It’s also said, you really shouldn’t be seen in public with in that! Well, Mansel with his infinite wisdom fails to yield to those words. So the reason MANSEL was sweating profusely when he said down to eat his Lean Cuisine…he kind of looks like the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters…

Brothers? You decide.

As the Lunch Gang responds to this picture, I captured words that didn’t fail them…

Coach: This is going to be a VERY Good day! … Right along with “Do Elf’s really marry?”

KC: Michelin Man FTW!

The remainder of the team was so distraught they couldn’t even speak. Put a fork in it…we’re done!

Episode 09-08-2012 - Laura won't let me come!

Yes, the heading say's it all. All made it to the cookout but Bago. When OM called and all Bago had to say was "Laura won't let me come out to play". So the gang decided to give the Bago our message...

Later, Coach calls Bago and tells him "You better get over here, I can't defend you any more". Bago's response was "Does Telegraph go by your house?". Big sigh!!!!

Episode 08-09-2012 - KC’s got a brand new bag!

KC has been moonlighting and was caught on film. Check this out...

KC, a spokesmen for Tricycle Racing World Magazine, and one of the top racers in the National Tricycle Racing League says “it's ALL about the Trike”. In fact, racing TRIKEzilla’s is all I do in my spare time - all day, every day and it’s hard work. I train anywhere from 4-to-6 hours a day in preparation for Nationals. At last years Nationals, held at the Indianapolis speed way, KC took second place which he hopes to improve on this year.

We’ve search the globe far and wide for the best value in aluminum, steel, paint and components and bring them together in our CubeCity design offices. Our designers are on top of the latest technologies, materials and styles. Fluidly designed and technologically engineered. There, our Tricycle designers put forth innovative ideas from which prototypes are made. Each aspect of each model is closely scrutinized and fixed in the redesign phase. Then it's off to the factory for production. Once the three wheeled racer exits the design lab, it's a Trike I’m proud of, say KC. 

KC gives a lot praise to his put crew for all of his success. If it wasn’t for them, I’m not sure where I’d be. Seen here in a group photo after taking 2nd in the 2011 Nationals.

The secret to KC’s success and maintain his focus during the race, his pit crew (known as Sunshine” pipe in music over KC’s headset. You may heard a few of these tunes before “That’s the way I like it”, “Get Down Tonight”, and KC’s favorite race tune “I want to take you higher”.

Rock on Trike Race!