It’s been 3 ½ months. Several members of the LG are happily living uneventful lives at home. The last they heard from disaster-magnet White Doug, he took a job on the west side of the state and with him out of the way, the LG have very nearly recovered from their night in the Eastern Market.
The only member who’s not content is the Director. Still lacking a sense of purpose, the group’s black sheep has ditched his meds and given in to his natural impulses in a big way-which, for Director, means no boundaries, no filters and no judgment-until a personal crisis forces him to finally seek the help he needs.
And who better that his LG Beer Festival buddies to make sure he takes the first step. What could possibly go wrong in Grand Rapids? But when the LG hits the road, all bets are off.
‘The Winter Beer Festival” is the epic conclusion to an incomparable odyssey of mayhem and bad decisions, in which the guys must finish what they started at the Summer Beer Festival.
One way or another…it all ends here. Or does it?
The Director: “I told myself I’d never come back…”
Coach: “That’s alright, it ends tonight!”
The Kick-Off
We kicked off the night with a few pints and some good food at Hopcat in downtown Grand Rapids. White Doug, what the heck are you doing in this picture and why is Godfather smiling so much? Come on man, it’s a family brewery. You can’t take him anywhere.
The Champion Is?
We moved over to the B.O.B. The beer was good and a Round-Robin Shuffle-Board Championship was held. ManCave & Director won it all! They actually kick our asses…plain and simple. I really think the left-handed spin technique was outlawed many years ago. CONGRATS Team Proctor!
Reporting for Duty
The Green Team present and reporting for duty you fat insulting bitch. That’s right…we pulled off one of the BIGGEST SCAM’s of the year and it was at your expense.
So here’s how this all went down. When festival tickets went on sale, the website crashes, and there were thousands of us unable to buy; so the hunt was on. Up until a week out, all look lost, but OM made connections with one of his brewery masters for volunteer work. The companies name was the Sweaty Mouse (a fitting name for a fat bitch like you). The brew master forwarded over a web link to sign up to work which we did. After submitting the web form you received an email stating “sorry we’re all full” OM checked back and was told the three of us was to report to “Will Call” at 11am the day of the event and we could still work. So like good volunteers like we are, we report at 11am but the line is long and we’re fearful that we will not get in.
Suddenly the line was moving and as we approach the table to pick up our credentials the women tells us “You’re not on the list”. So OM show’s her the email we received he received from the fat insulting bitch and our VIP Tickets was handed to us. We were then instructed to go right to the main entrance, show our ticket, and report to the Sweaty Mouse tent located just inside the main entrance. When the three of use showed our VIP Tickets at the main entrance we were greeted with Beer Cups and Tokens. “WE’RE IN” Our Sole Objective this weekend was to breach the gate any way we could and we did that by using the Sweaty Mouse. So I told these guys “We’re in, let’s just go mingle with the brewer’s until twelve then we can drink with the other guys”. OM was feeling a little guilty and said “Let’s go see what they got to say”. So we did. We walked over to the tent and introduced ourselves to the staff there. They told us to want until the fat bitch got back. When the fat bitch pulled up on the golf cart OM made introductions and said he was here with the Godfather and me. The fat bitch then said “I see you brought your illiterate friends with you”. It took every ounce of energy I had in my body hold back my comments. If I didn’t come this far with my friends for and enjoyable weekend then I would have given that Fat Bitch a double barrel of put down. I then told OM and Godfather I’m NOT going to do any work. Ten minutes later I took off my badge and grabbed a beer. UP YOUR’S YOU FAT BITCH! We got in for FREE!
Costly Mistake Dump Ass
Whenever you stand outside in 20 degree temperatures with a 30 MPH winds, one tends to get somewhat cold. So at the Winter Beer Festival there was wood burning warming stations spread throughout the compound. Here’s one dude who got just a little too close to the heat...MELTED the back of his jacket.
This was a North Face Jacket and if you’ve ever shop for one of these jackets they are a little pricy! Somewhere in the neighborhood of $300 plus. One of his buddies should have told him about this.
Adventures
White Doug to Professor: “We’ve been on a lot of adventures together but it seems you haven’t learned anything. Nothing”
What happen to Godfather?
With the beer festival winding down, we lost Godfather for about 2 hours and as a group we were very concerned. What we were going to tell his wife? How do we explain we lost a father of four at a beer festival? What to do if he didn’t show back up? Luckily for us he showed back up while standing in line for the Kentucky Breakfast Stout tapping (you see how concerned we really was. We were drinking beer). But look what happen to his face! He told us he was having such a great time that we wanted something to remember it by. When asked if it hurt? “I cried like a little girl”
Nothing Better to Wear
Why do people feel they need to dress like complete fools at these types of events. In any case, OM is having a little fun with these two morons. Then Leisure Suit Larry came out of retirement to walk around strutting his stuff. Coach said “I think he takes it in the can”.
Spooning
Now let me be PERFECTLY CLEAR about this one (contrary to what Mansel thinks or says), every dude had their own bed on this trip; some brought blow-up Mattresses; others use the hotel beds and Coach stayed at his daughter’s house (safe move I think even though my grandson decided not to sleep this weekend). After a full day of drinking beer outside and filling our bellies with food and more beer, a couple of WBF Travelers decided to do a semi-spoon. What do you think?
According to Webster Dictionary, Spooning is described as: Physical intimacy is sensual proximity or touching. If you examine the positioning of these two WBF Travelers, there is enough spacing between them that it doesn’t qualify as a spoon. Sorry Mansel…but I thought you wanted to know.
Volcano Monitoring Techniques
Background: Geologists over time have developed several methods to monitor changes in active volcanoes. These methods allow them to forecast and, in some cases, predict, the onset of an eruption. So a FORECAST indicates that the volcano is "ready" to erupt. A PREDICTION states that a volcano will erupt within a specified number of hours or days.
Well, the WBF Travelers have their own way of measuring eruptions as well. Any guy, I don’t give a dam who you are there are eruptions after drinking all day. In comparisons WBF Scientist has a come up with their own technique of monitoring such things like “magma bursts” (farts) and “sonic eruptions” (snoring). We called it the Balancing Cookie Technique or BCT for short as seen in the photo below.
I Have a Demon Inside Me
Director: “We can’t be friends anymore. When we get together bad things happen and people get hurt”.
White Doug: “Yeah, that’s the point. It’s funny!”
The Morning After
With everyone moving extremely slow the morning after the WBF, the Professor suggest we go to this greasy spoon for some breakfast. According to the reviews it’s supposed to be ranked as one of the top “Brunch” places east of the Grand River. So the WBF Travelers make their way onto the highway in search of the Holy Grail of Brunches”. As we moved through the city and passing restaurant after restaurant ManCave says “This F’en place better be good or I’m going to F somebody up”. The parking lot for this place was so small you might be able to park a Moped and maybe a Yugo. ManCave “That’s it…I’m F’en somebody up! I’m hungry”. So the group of worn out travelers walk into this restaurant…that will be 2 hour wait. ManCave goes off again “What the F?” Walking back to the vehicles the Director couldn’t even walk a straight line and was talking in tongues. The dude really did have a Demon in him. So we piled back into the caravan and back on the road in search of food. We finally settled on traditional food joint and all was happy.
The Drive Home
After exorcism attempts to drive out the evil spirits possessing the Director, he was resting comfortably in Coach’s truck. (Some members of the WBF Travelers believe it was brought on by the director’s own doing. You see after a very late night in downtown GR the director grabbed someone’s left over pizza at Founders. You do know the pizza-man was the devil don’t you?)
But what the picture didn’t catch is he had his hand down his pants. By the way Director who is Sally or was it Suzie? Not sure what that’s all about but the kid was out of it…Look at him!
Trip Comments
Godfather: Had a great time this weekend! Professor – Thanks for coordinating / White Doug – Thanks for setting up accommodations. Anyone want a cookie?
ManCave: Yeah, great time men.
WD: Thanks for getting the rooms and congrats on Canada’s gold in hockey.
The Director: Still hung-over?
KC: Get that wrist x-rayed!
OM: You cookie infested, passed out S.O.B.!
Professor: Great job organizing!
Coach: About the dude in the Baby Blue Leisure Suit “He takes it in the can!” Still laughing at that
Godfather: Glad you finally re-found us at the festival. It would’ve been hard to explain to your wife how we lost you.
OM: I think I have a rash from the cheap frosting used by that cookie company…
White Doug: Thanks for including me this weekend boys, loved it. I was wondering one thing though – where did I end up with Professor? Good side or bad side? We were so hot and cold all weekend, very draining emotionally. Professor is so volatile. I can confirm the director is alive, heard him on a conference call this morning.
KC: Yes, great time was had by all!
Director: Had a blast. I was still moving slowly this morning. I’m almost recovered, but there are still horrible things happening within me.
Coach: So you do have a “DEMON” inside you!!! LMAO
Professor: Definitely a great time this weekend! Agree with the other comments. Based on this weekend, “some people” may need to start resting up for the summer beer fest (Friday, July 25th)! WD – I find the “Professor is so volatile” comment fairly offensive, to be honest. I really thought you were an all right guy until I found out you were Canadian! Other than Ketchup Potato Chips and Mill Street Beer, there is nothing good that Canada has to offer. You partially redeemed yourself this weekend. Not drinking any sangria in public helped your cause. We’ll be good after the Kuhnhenn/Supino’s trip (although you’ll be back on the suspect list if you order “The Fluffer” at Kuhnhenn’s). That is the next trip that needs to be put in the planning stages soon. (Friday, March 28th after work is good for me).
